Who am I at Home?

Wow, friends! It's been awhile! My school has been keeping me so busy lately...but that is to be expected and the saying goes that you can always make time for things that are important to you. Unfortunately school has been taking precedence right now, but I decided that it was high time that I wrote down some of the things that God has been giving me to contemplate lately.

Do any of you ever feel fake? Random question, I know. Well it all started when I had a conversation with my sister the other day about how people act differently around their family. Some people might deny this at first...like I did...but then, as I thought about it more, I realized that it is true. It is really hard when you realize that the person that you are at home is the person that you really are...the true person that has removed every mask.

When we start to get comfortable with who we are, we tend to let our guard down. But sometimes when we do that, we let our defences down way too far, and our hearts and minds are an easy target for Satan. The majority of the people on this planet are the most comfortable when they are around their family members. Unfortunately, the home then becomes a place of lowered fences, that Satan can easily scale. How I wish that my family would see the best side of me, not the worst!

As I sat thinking about all these things, I realized that something had to change. I didn't want to be content anymore, simply basking in carelessness. I want to shine Christ wherever I go, no matter who I am with. This is definitely easier said than done...but realizing that I had gotten lazy around my family really brought me back to the point of surrendering all to God and imploring Him to come help change me to the person He wants me to be.

I received a journal from a friend this past Christmas, and for the longest time it was simply sitting on my shelf, because I had no idea what to write in it. On the front, it read "Teachers Change Lives." Stumped about what I could write, I let it sit their for three months...hoping I would figure out something to write. Finally, an idea came to me: Why not let the divine teacher change my life? So now, each day, I write something in that journal that I would like Jesus to help me change. Yesterday I wrote about being "real" because that is my hearts desire. When you remove all the masks and facades...who do you become? Does your image reflect Christ? I truly desire to answer yes to all of these questions, and yet...I hesitate. I know that my refining is not done and it never will be done here on earth. It is always a continuing struggle...one that I hope to eventually win with God's help.

Lord, help me to become the woman that you desire me to become, especially at home. Thank you for continuing your refining work in me.

"Love the Lord your God with all your heart and will all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates."

"And if we are careful to obey all this law before the Lord our God, as he has commanded us, that will be our righteousness."

Deuteronomy 6:5-9, 25