Until today.
After finishing a paper for my Special Needs Education class in record time, I decided to go down to the vending machine in the lobby of our dorm. The intention was to reward myself with something sweet.
Unfortunately, the selection wasn't very good, but they had tropical Skittles... so I decided to go with that. The machine wouldn't take my dollar bill, which was frustrating. I spent more time than I should have digging through my wallet to find some spare change.
FINALLY I found 75 cents worth of coins... and pressed D1, with the intention of pressing the zero after that because the Skittles were D10.
Well... as I'm sure you've already guessed, D1 has it's own type of candy and there is an entirely separate button for D10. Which I blindly didn't notice until after I had already pushed D1.
So there I stood... watching a yellow bag of peanut M&M's fall instead of my tropical Skittles.
Everything seemed to be moving in slow motion as I bent down to grab them out of the machine; a million thoughts and memories flooding my mind. Once I was back in my room, I ripped open the package, slightly annoyed that the machine wouldn't take a dollar bill and I had used all my change on the peanut M&M's that weren't even my favorite.
"But they were someones favorite."
And at that thought, tears started welling up in my eyes. I glanced around the room, frantically wanting to prevent the tears because I knew that once they started, it would be hard to get them to stop.
But my strength to control them failed when my eyes fell on a red book called "Corduroy":
I had picked this book up at a garage sale a few days before. From the outside looking in, you'd think that it was just an ordinary book. But to me, it's a book full of memories. Memories of cuddling up on the couch with my mom as she read it to me - her voice full of character and animation. I could hear her voice as my eyes took in every sentence.
So there I was... sitting on my roommates bed, eating peanut M&M's, reading "Corduroy", and crying....
Missing her.
Oh Emily...My heart is sad for you...sad for the tears that had to flow...but happy that you have your precious memories of your mom.
ReplyDeleteI love the Corduroy book....and I have memories of reading it to several of my grand kids. (:>)
I am having happy thoughts of you reading it to your kids...a few years from now!
Hang in there sweet and precious Emily!
Love, Grandma Linda
I am don't know you in real life, but I hope over the net it is good enough.
ReplyDeleteTears will flow.. just let it go... eventually you will feel better and I hope it will dry up and your heart will brighten.
Dear Emily,
ReplyDeleteI was blessed to read your post. I pray that God will continue to give you many special moments in which to remember your mother and how much she loved you - and still does. May God cover you under the shadow of his wings and may the healing tears flow freely.
Love in Christ,
Mrs. Novak
Linda Stubbs friend
I have added myself to follow your blog. You are more than welcome to visit mine and become a follower also if you care to.
ReplyDeleteHello miss. :)
ReplyDeleteI stumbled upon your blog via weareSterling. I wanted to say thank you for sharing your heart; you're a talented and effective writer. I've a parent who's favorite is peanut M&Ms too, however I don't understand your grief to the extent you've experienced. But your post is very touching, and it's easy to empathize with you.
I hope you don't mind my stopping in. I'm a SC alumni ('08) living in Hutch curious about the new folks in my "old home" so to speak. :) I hope finals are going well! Hang in there. <3