Unbroken Gaze

"May my life be

one unbroken gaze

fixed upon the beauty

of your face"

~Vicky Beeching

May this be my prayer...my hearts cry...my lifes purpose. That I would have a strong unbroken gaze that is forever fixed upon the beauty of my precious Savior's face. That nothing else would ever matter as much as God's approval and His smile on what I am doing and who I am becoming. So often I am overcome by trying to please the world and everyone in it. Trying to match the stereotype of a "good" teenage girl, I continue to strive towards an unattainable image that really doesn't matter in the scheme of eternity. I am finding, as I continue to walk down this journey that we fondly refer to as "life", that the only thing that truly matters is whether or not my gaze is fixed on Christ. When my eyes start to wander off of the one who gave me life, is when they start to glimpe darkness and unsatisfaction. When I turn to the one who has existed since before the fabric of time, I find my satisfaction. I find the one who completes me and fulfills me. I find salvation and forgiveness. I find everything that this world doesn't offer. I find something that can't be bought for any price. I find unconditional love. Do you know how many girls spend their entire lives looking for unconditional love? If only they knew that it is just a prayer away. My gaze must remain unbroken; I cannot afford to lose sight of the one who first lovingly called me to Himself.

"Beholding is becoming

so as you fill my view

transform me

into the likeness of you"

~Vicky Beeching

This is my prayer Lord Jesus. May I live a live of holiness until your majesty is revealed. May I ever be captivated by you. May my life truly be one unbroken gaze fixed upon the beauty of your face.

Worth Fighting For...

Broken. Have you ever been broken? Truly broken? I am not referring to being broken in body, but broken in spirit. Have you ever been so cast down that the only place you have to go is into his loving embrace? Where your darkness has blinded you so much that you can no longer see the Son?


These places are humbling. They are painful. But they can be strengthening if we choose to turn our gaze back to the Father instead of getting discouraged about how far we have fallen. Discouragement is one of Satan's biggest deceptions. He uses our own minds against us. He wants us to feel like giving up. His motive is to make us feel hopeless and worthless; vessels unfit for the Master's use. This is where he deceives us and leads many dedicated believers astray. After one slip up, Satan somehow convinces them that they are no longer worth the price that Jesus paid on the cross. That they are no longer worthy of His love or forgiveness. What a horrible wretched lie! Jesus did not die for us so that we can spend our lives feeling discouraged about our imperfection! He died so that we may be free. Free from sins strongholds in our lives. Free from Satan's deceptions. Free from our guilt and our shame. Free from being controlled by the snares that "so easily entangle".


Discouragement crept into my mind this afternoon after an incident with my little sister. Leaning against a closet door in our bedroom I cried out to my Father. With tears in my eyes I asked Him why it is always so hard to choose love instead of hate, peace instead of anxiety, smiles instead of frowns, joy instead of sorrow, and hope instead of discouragement. Right at the peak of my discouraging thoughts Satan started whispering..."it's true you know. You always fail. You will never get it right. You cut your sister to pieces with your words. How can you be so unloving and hateful? You are just worthless. You will never learn to control your emotions. You always let them get the best of you..." and on and on it went. At last, God seemed to turn a light bulb on in my head.

"My son did not die, Emily, so that Satan could continue to invade your mind with thoughts that are not of me. He has no power over you. You are forgiven because of the cross. Every day is a brand new day to try again and if you fail despite your best attempts, well....forgiveness is waiting for you."


DO NOT let Satan discourage you! Just because you fail again....for the hundredth time...does not give you any reason to become discouraged! This life is a continual fight! The enemy wants you to retreat and back down. His greatest desire is that you would give in and just stop fighting the fight. Don't do it! Jesus is stronger and He is on your side. Do not be taken captive in your mind and let Satan slowly destroy you using the weapon of discouragement!


Praise God for His wonderful love towards us. I will not be discouraged because my God is a God of second chances. He longs to empower me so that I can live in victory. Even when I fail and say and do things that are not of the spirit...His wonderful forgiveness is right there, waiting to cleanse me, and give me a second chance. I will keep fighting, because the love that Jesus gives is worth fighting for.

As the deer...

I am a reader. I love books and have always loved them. I used to stay up late and read by my nightlight just so I wouldn't have to put the book down! (It's probably why my eyes are so bad to this day! Sorry dad!) I am the type of girl that starts a million books at once and then reads a chapter here and a chapter there from each one...a new one each day. Which is why when people ask me what book I am currently reading I give them a list of five or six titles!

Regardless of this, the books that I read really fill my spirit. God seems to help me pick up a book at the exact time in my life when it will be the most beneficial to me.

One of the many books that I am currently reading is called "Radical Reliance - Living 24/7 with God at the Center" by Joseph M. Stowell. The chapter I read this morning was talking about how much we really desire God. It made the claim that a lot of Christians view God as the "divine 911" of their lives and don't really long for Him, unless their is a crisis. The book likened Christians to Camels and Deer. It explained:

"...it crossed my mind that many of us are more like the camel than the deer. Rarely sensing our need for God, we go for months without desiring Him.......The problem is that we weren't built for a life in a spiritual desert. We were built for regular satisfying access to the refreshing presence of God in our souls..."


Why do we not desire God simply because He is God?


As the deer pants for the water brooks,
So my soul pants for You, O God
My soul thirsts for God, for the living God;
When shall I come and appear before God?
Psalm 42:1-2

In "Radical Reliance" the author asks why the composer of Psalm 42 would express such an acute longing for God:

"....we might think he is in deep trouble or has a deep desire he wants God to fulfill. Yet surprisingly there does not appear to be a pressing material crisis or special reason for him to appeal for largess. Adequately supplied with health and wealth, the psalmist's pressing need is simply to experience the presence and the pleasure of God in the depths of his being, and that conviction drives his desire for intimacy with God."

I was amazed when I read this paragraph, because this is how I have been feeling about my own walk with God lately. Sadly but truthfully this is one of the first times I have longed to know God, for no other reason but to know him...and I am so excited! At first I was trying to think about why I had this unquenchable desire to know God deeper. When I couldn't come up with any reason, I thought..."okay....well this is great, but I wish that I knew why I am feeling this way towards God." It is awesome to know that there doesn't have to be a reason to want to know the lover of my soul! I am praying that he will take me far deeper with Him than I have ever gone before.

I find myself acting like the camel in the desert some days...but I pray that God would continue His work in my heart so that I can truly become like the deer...who doesn't need a reason to long for her creator but chooses to drink daily from the river of life.

To be where you are...to be like you are...

This evening, God has overwhelmed my spirit. I need Jesus more than the air that I breath. If only he would reach down and scoop me up into His loving hands, I am sure that I could rest their forever. I came across the lyrics to this song by Leeland and they really matched my hearts cry. I really like the line that says "God of strength, our weakness shows, we need you, we need you Lord." What else would ever show us our need of God but the weakness within our own hearts? Every time I sin, I am made a little more aware of my desperate need for my Savior. Every thought, word, and action that is done in the flesh, makes me a little aware of how far I have fallen from the spirit of my Lord. That Jesus really would "enter this temple"! That my hearts forever cry would be communion with His spirit! To be where you are.....to be like you are... oh God you know that I long for this.

"Enter This Temple”
by Leeland

We are saved in a world that’s lost

All our hope rests in Your Cross

God of strength, our weakness shows

We need You

We need You, Lord

Father, enter this temple

Come touch Your people

We need to be where You are

And children living as their Father

Washed in pure water

We need to be like You are

We are searching for Your presence

We are knocking on Your door

Let Your wings cover us with promise

For communion

For communion

To be like You are

To be where You are

Father, come touch Your people

To be where You are

To be like You are

He never leaves...whether we are cold, sick, lonely, hurting, angry, filled with sorrow or bursting with joy, Jesus is always right there. No matter how far our Lord takes us from the place we call "home", he promises that he will never leave our side. That gives me such great hope and confidence! What is a home, anyway? My definition of home is some place where their is peace, love, and security. Jesus promises us peace as we trust in him. He promises to love us unconditionally. And He promises that we will stand secure as long as we let Him be the hand that guides us.

Nothing can take my Lord away from me! Not persecution, sickness, or even death! Why do we tend to live in fear, if this fact is indeed true? Their is no reason to be anxious about the uncertain when the only thing that truly matters is no longer cast in the shadow of doubt! Jesus has made our future with him secure...unwavering...something that does not decay with time. Now we can rest, unafraid, because of the promise "I will never leave thee nor forsake thee."

More Surrender

Well, yesterday, someone made me think about how often we deny ourselves and really do everything that God wants us to do. How often do we throw our own plans out the window and completely surrender ourselves to Christ? I know that life can get hard, especially at my age, to figure out when, where, and what I am supposed to be doing with my life. But the Lord promises to write my life for me, word by word, if only I surrender.

Surrendering is not an easy thing to do. It takes lots of courage to really deny yourself and take up your cross. This is my true hearts desire. That I would say "no" to my plans, and "yes Lord" to his.

Following Jesus is how we can have a fufilling life! Yesterday I was reading the book "Don't Waste Your Life", by John Piper. At one point in the book Piper quotes J. Campbell White:

"Most men are not satisfied with the permanent output of their lives. Nothing can wholly satisfy the life of Christ within his followers except the adoption of Christ's purpose toward the world he came to redeem. Fame, pleasure and riches are but husks and ashes in contrast with the boundless and abiding joy of working with God for the fulfillment of his eternal plans. The men who are putting everything into Christ's undertaking are getting out of life its sweetest and most priceless rewards."

It is true that nothing can truly satisfy like Christ can! Next time you are confronted with a decision to go down a road that you want to go down, or to go down the road that Christ is calling you to, pick Christ. He alone is truly the source of our greatest joy.

Are you listening?

I wonder if the Lord is trying to teach me something about listening. This morning, I opened up a little devotional book that I haven't read in awhile called "Grace For the Moment" by Max Lucado. The verse for today is Matthew 7:8 - "Everyone who asks will receive. Everyone who searches will find." What a promise! In this devotional Lucado describes a man who is blind to everything the Lord is doing because he is expecting the Lord to work in a certain way:

"Once there was a man who dared God to speak: Burn the bush like you did for Moses, God. And I will follow. Collapse the walls like you did for Joshua, God. And I will fight. Still the waves like you did on Galilee, God. And I will listen.
And so the man sat by a bush, near a wall, close to the sea and waited for God to speak.
And God heard the man, so God answered. He sent fire, not for a bush, but for a church. He brought down a wall, not of brick, but of sin. He stilled a storm, not of the sea, but of a soul.
And God waited for the man to respond. And he waited...and waited.
But because the man was looking at bushes, not hearts; bricks and not lives, seas and not souls, he decided that God had done nothing.
Finally he looked to God and asked, Have you lost your power?
And God looked at him and said, Have you lost your hearing?"

While slightly comical, I can't laugh at this devotional too terribly much because it rings true in my own life. If only I would be looking where God is actually moving! Maybe if I surrendered myself to His will and didn't look in one direction, but many, I would see Him working in many more places than I realized.

Ears to hear...

My devotional this morning made me think about how often I actually do something about the things I hear. How often do I actually take action and really change areas of my life that I need to change? All too often I read a good inspirational book, or hear someone speak about something that I am really passionate about, and then...two weeks later...I have forgotten all about it!

"Not to us, O LORD, not to us but to your name be the glory,

because of your love and faithfulness.

Why do the nations say, "Where is their God?"

Our God is in heaven; he does whatever pleases him.

But their idols are silver and gold, made by the hands of men.

They have mouths, but cannot speak, eyes, but they cannot see;

they have ears, but cannot hear, noses, but they cannot smell;

they have hands, but cannot feel, feet, but they cannot walk;

nor can they utter a sound with their throats.

Those who make them will be like them, and so will all who trust in them.

O house of Israel, trust in the LORD— he is their help and shield."

Psalm 115:1-9

Oh! That I would never be like the ones that have ears but do not hear! Be forever listening but never hearing! I so desperately long that Jesus would teach me things and that I would actually be able to hear and obey! Some listen, but not all actually hear. Jesus is speaking to his disciples in Matthew Chapter 13 when he says this to them:

"Though seeing, they do not see; though hearing, they do not hear or understand. In them is fulfilled the prophecy of Isaiah: " 'You will be ever hearing but never understanding; you will be ever seeing but never perceiving. For this people's heart has become calloused; they hardly hear with their ears, and they have closed their eyes. Otherwise they might see with their eyes, hear with their ears, understand with their hearts and turn, and I would heal them.' But blessed are your eyes because they see, and your ears because they hear. For I tell you the truth, many prophets and righteous men longed to see what you see but did not see it, and to hear what you hear but did not hear it."

They did not hear because their hearts had become "calloused". I know that I have let my heart dwell in this calloused state so many times before. I can only strive to be more of an active listener. One that hears, not only with her ears, but with her mind and heart as well.