A blank sheet of paper...

Yesterday, I was reading a book called "Emotions - Can You Trust Them?" by Dr. Dobson. I read a story about a young man that really impacted me. It was so good, that I wanted to share it with you, even though it is kind of long. It also goes along with this whole "listening" theme that God is trying to get through to me.

Personal Story by the Reverend Everett Howard:

I've spent thirty-six years in missionary service - a lifetime that has passed so quickly. About fifty years ago when I was just a young boy I knew that God was calling me, but I was confused. I didn't know just where or when or what he wanted me to do. Years passed and I went on through school and college and into Lincoln and Lee Dental University in Kansas City, Missouri. I was still fighting and battling away, unsure of God's direction for my life.

One day I came to the point of a definite decision. My dad was a Christian and his prayers were inspirational. But that was secondhand, and I wanted something that could be mine - something I could take through life with me. So I went into the little church where my dad was pastoring and locked the doors so I could be alone. I guess I was ashamed for anyone to hear me pray, but that's the way it was. I knelt down at the little altar and took a piece of paper and a pencil and said, "Now this is going to be for life!"

I listed everything on that page. I filled it with promises of what I would do for God, including my willingness to be a missionary, and every possible alternative I could think of. I promised to sing in the choir and give my tithes and read the Bible and do all the things I thought God might want of me. I had a long list of promises and I really meant them.

Then when I had finished that well-written page, I signed my name at the bottom and laid it on the alter. There alone in the church I looked up and waited for "thunder and lightning" or some act of approval from the Lord. I thought I would experience what Saint Paul did on the road to Damascus, or something equally dramatic. I knew that God must be terribly proud of me - a young fellow who would make a consecration like that. But nothing happened. It was quiet, still and I was so disappointed.

I couldn't understand it, so I thought I must have forgotten something. I took out my pencil again and tried to think about what I'd left out. But I couldn't remember anything else. I prayed again and told the Lord that I had put everything possible on that paper. Still nothing happened, though I waited and waited.

Then it came. I felt the voice of God speaking in my heart. He didn't shout or hit me over the head. I just felt in my own soul a voice speak so clearly. It said, "Son, you're going about it wrong. I don't want a consecration like this. Just tear up the paper you've written."

I said, "All right, Lord." And I took the paper I had written so carefully and wadded it up.

Then the voice of God seemed to whisper again, "Son, I want you to take a blank piece of paper and sign your name on the bottom of it, and let Me fill it in."

"Oh! oh! that's different, Lord," I cried. But I did what He said there at the altar in the little church.

It was just a secret between God and me, as I signed the paper. And God has been filling it in for the past thirty-six years.

Maybe I'm glad that I didn't know what was going to be written on the page. Things like... lying sick in the lonely mountains of the Cape Verde Islands, burning up with fever, with no medicine and no doctor, and the closest hospital more than 3,000 miles away. And the famine, when almost a third of the population in our part of the country had starved to death... money wasn't coming through...nine months without one single check or a penny... everything we owned had to be sold in order to live... that wasn't written on the page until the time came. But, you know, there was no depression. Those were the most blessed days, because God was there! And if I could turn around and do it again, I'd go every step of the way that we've traveled for the last thirty-six years.

To those who are listening to me tonight, I hope you will also put your name at the bottom of a blank sheet of paper and let God fill it in. Especially if you're worried about who you should marry or where to go to school or what training you should get, and all those questions which cause young people to struggle. You don't know the answers to such questions and neither do I. If I tried to tell you what to do it would probably be wrong. But God knows. Let Him fill in the page, regardless of where He leads or the difficulties you will experience. And of this I am absolutely confident: the Lord will make his purposes and plans known in plenty of time for you to heed them.


This story prompted me to take my own blank piece of paper and sign it. I know in my head that God will fill it and direct my life in the manner that he chooses, but sometimes it is hard to feel it in my heart. Just the physical act of surrendering, literally surrendering to the plans that God has for you in his time is a scary thing, but oh so rewarding! I know that His plans for me are so much better than the plans that I have for myself. I pray that I would never try to take the pen back from God, but would willingly leave it in his loving hands.

Are you listening?

I wonder if the Lord is trying to teach me something about listening. This morning, I opened up a little devotional book that I haven't read in awhile called "Grace For the Moment" by Max Lucado. The verse for today is Matthew 7:8 - "Everyone who asks will receive. Everyone who searches will find." What a promise! In this devotional Lucado describes a man who is blind to everything the Lord is doing because he is expecting the Lord to work in a certain way:

"Once there was a man who dared God to speak: Burn the bush like you did for Moses, God. And I will follow. Collapse the walls like you did for Joshua, God. And I will fight. Still the waves like you did on Galilee, God. And I will listen.
And so the man sat by a bush, near a wall, close to the sea and waited for God to speak.
And God heard the man, so God answered. He sent fire, not for a bush, but for a church. He brought down a wall, not of brick, but of sin. He stilled a storm, not of the sea, but of a soul.
And God waited for the man to respond. And he waited...and waited.
But because the man was looking at bushes, not hearts; bricks and not lives, seas and not souls, he decided that God had done nothing.
Finally he looked to God and asked, Have you lost your power?
And God looked at him and said, Have you lost your hearing?"

While slightly comical, I can't laugh at this devotional too terribly much because it rings true in my own life. If only I would be looking where God is actually moving! Maybe if I surrendered myself to His will and didn't look in one direction, but many, I would see Him working in many more places than I realized.

Ears to hear...

My devotional this morning made me think about how often I actually do something about the things I hear. How often do I actually take action and really change areas of my life that I need to change? All too often I read a good inspirational book, or hear someone speak about something that I am really passionate about, and then...two weeks later...I have forgotten all about it!

"Not to us, O LORD, not to us but to your name be the glory,

because of your love and faithfulness.

Why do the nations say, "Where is their God?"

Our God is in heaven; he does whatever pleases him.

But their idols are silver and gold, made by the hands of men.

They have mouths, but cannot speak, eyes, but they cannot see;

they have ears, but cannot hear, noses, but they cannot smell;

they have hands, but cannot feel, feet, but they cannot walk;

nor can they utter a sound with their throats.

Those who make them will be like them, and so will all who trust in them.

O house of Israel, trust in the LORD— he is their help and shield."

Psalm 115:1-9

Oh! That I would never be like the ones that have ears but do not hear! Be forever listening but never hearing! I so desperately long that Jesus would teach me things and that I would actually be able to hear and obey! Some listen, but not all actually hear. Jesus is speaking to his disciples in Matthew Chapter 13 when he says this to them:

"Though seeing, they do not see; though hearing, they do not hear or understand. In them is fulfilled the prophecy of Isaiah: " 'You will be ever hearing but never understanding; you will be ever seeing but never perceiving. For this people's heart has become calloused; they hardly hear with their ears, and they have closed their eyes. Otherwise they might see with their eyes, hear with their ears, understand with their hearts and turn, and I would heal them.' But blessed are your eyes because they see, and your ears because they hear. For I tell you the truth, many prophets and righteous men longed to see what you see but did not see it, and to hear what you hear but did not hear it."

They did not hear because their hearts had become "calloused". I know that I have let my heart dwell in this calloused state so many times before. I can only strive to be more of an active listener. One that hears, not only with her ears, but with her mind and heart as well.