FRIENDS... wow. I don't really like being away from the Internet for such a long time. I'm working at a camp this summer for those of you who don't know, so that's why I haven't appeared on here in such a long while. However, I think that falling away from my Internet buddies for a few weeks or months to draw closer to my Heavenly Father is really worth it in the end. He's teaching me so much out at camp... I can't even begin to explain. What I CAN explain though, is this poem that I wrote a few mornings ago. I was really struggling with several things that were just weighing my heart down. Feelings of worthlessness plagued my mind as I wrestled with thoughts of confusion and doubt. But before I totally lost it, God reminded me of where my identity and worth truly lies.
7/5/2010
Lord, my heart turns to you once more
It's broken pieces shattered on the floor.
"You'll never be worth anything - you're just a waste"
These thoughts and others fill my mind - the cup of rejection I do taste.
"Your personality is all wrong for a woman of God"
"You try and play all these "Christian games, but inside you're just a fraud.
"No one will ever love you - you'll just have to live with it."
"A mis-matched character in a matched up world - you'll never fit."
But the Lord in Heaven looks down from on high
Doesn't see me as a mistake - but as an opportunity to lay down his life and die.
Would he have the chance to do everything all over again
He wouldn't change who he made me to be - wouldn't change his plan.
The personality that he gave me - he fully intends to use
To bring about his desired purposes and the plans that he will choose.
Wholly loved and wholly forgiven
When I cry, tears fall from my Father in Heaven.
He sees the pain that is ever before my eyes
But promises that from the ashes, I will rise.
No longer bound by consuming grief
It's time to start afresh - let God turn over a new leaf
My life is but a breath - a mere flower that soon fades
So as I walk through the trials of this life, help me to always walk in your ways.
Oh Em. You absolutely just made me cry! I can identify 100% with every line in that poem...I thought it was just me! Remember that I love you so much, but more than that, remember how much you are loved by our heavenly Father!
ReplyDeleteHI Emily,
ReplyDeleteMy name is Heather. I'm actually a blogger friend of Tressa's mom Linda STubbs...and I joined in on the Bible study that Tressa and Micah are doing called "Redeeming Ruth" In any case, I mentioned that I'd lived in Europe for a little over 4 years...and she mentioned you and your family living in England...way cool..and gave me your blog address.I'm impressed...so I decided to follow!!! I'll comment about the post itself later...but what I'm so encouraged by is too see young ladies following after God. That's wonderful. Greetings from Oregon, Heather :)