I am a reader. I love books and have always loved them. I used to stay up late and read by my nightlight just so I wouldn't have to put the book down! (It's probably why my eyes are so bad to this day! Sorry dad!) I am the type of girl that starts a million books at once and then reads a chapter here and a chapter there from each one...a new one each day. Which is why when people ask me what book I am currently reading I give them a list of five or six titles!
Regardless of this, the books that I read really fill my spirit. God seems to help me pick up a book at the exact time in my life when it will be the most beneficial to me.
One of the many books that I am currently reading is called "Radical Reliance - Living 24/7 with God at the Center" by Joseph M. Stowell. The chapter I read this morning was talking about how much we really desire God. It made the claim that a lot of Christians view God as the "divine 911" of their lives and don't really long for Him, unless their is a crisis. The book likened Christians to Camels and Deer. It explained:
"...it crossed my mind that many of us are more like the camel than the deer. Rarely sensing our need for God, we go for months without desiring Him.......The problem is that we weren't built for a life in a spiritual desert. We were built for regular satisfying access to the refreshing presence of God in our souls..."
Why do we not desire God simply because He is God?
As the deer pants for the water brooks,
So my soul pants for You, O God
My soul thirsts for God, for the living God;
When shall I come and appear before God?
In "Radical Reliance" the author asks why the composer of Psalm 42 would express such an acute longing for God:
"....we might think he is in deep trouble or has a deep desire he wants God to fulfill. Yet surprisingly there does not appear to be a pressing material crisis or special reason for him to appeal for largess. Adequately supplied with health and wealth, the psalmist's pressing need is simply to experience the presence and the pleasure of God in the depths of his being, and that conviction drives his desire for intimacy with God."
I was amazed when I read this paragraph, because this is how I have been feeling about my own walk with God lately. Sadly but truthfully this is one of the first times I have longed to know God, for no other reason but to know him...and I am so excited! At first I was trying to think about why I had this unquenchable desire to know God deeper. When I couldn't come up with any reason, I thought..."okay....well this is great, but I wish that I knew why I am feeling this way towards God." It is awesome to know that there doesn't have to be a reason to want to know the lover of my soul! I am praying that he will take me far deeper with Him than I have ever gone before.
I find myself acting like the camel in the desert some days...but I pray that God would continue His work in my heart so that I can truly become like the deer...who doesn't need a reason to long for her creator but chooses to drink daily from the river of life.